A Paean to Papas

This Sunday is Father’s Day.

It is a day that is often ignored. If remembered, it is sometimes marked by a hastily purchased practical gift that children feel their fathers yearn for. (Newsflash : we don’t)

This Father’s Day, and henceforth, I believe you should do more.

Motherhood is easily defined. It is natural, aligned with the laws of the universe, a healing fluid that flows smoothly into any orifice or crevice without resistance.

Fatherhood is a conundrum. A clumsy, awkward, wooden role that always seems differently shaped from the hole that it is supposed to fit into. Are fathers hunter-gatherers or nurturer-protectors? Do fathers resemble banyan trees or banana trees? Are they meant to be examples or exceptions? Most fathers struggle with this dichotomy throughout their lives, and rarely figure out an optimal solution.

If you analyse the two roles, not only will you find the differences vast, you will gather some interesting insights.

Mothers accept. Fathers expect.

Mothers forgive. Fathers forget.

Mothers hold their children in their arms. Fathers hold their hand.

Mothers love unconditionally. Fathers love fiercely.

Mothers support you forever. Fathers encourage you to stand on your own feet.

Mothers coddle. Fathers cheer.

Mothers epitomise home and the security and safety that this word symbolises. Fathers epitomise the world and the challenge and excitement that this word entails.

You will have noticed that every verb that follows the word ‘mothers’ is similar and even aligned. However, the verbs that follow the word ‘fathers’ are diverse and sometimes incompatible.

This complexity makes fathers the bumbling, ham-handed, insensitive idiots that we are. How much ever we try and do and say the right things, we get it wrong often enough that it seems screwing up is inevitable. So, over time, fathers retreat; either into dens or behind facades, to office cubicles or onto planes. They retreat behind gruff advice and stern forecasts, awkward man-hugs and distant hand-shakes.

For all their differences, fathers have one thing in common with mothers. They want to know that their children love them and appreciate them. Knowing this makes everything worthwhile, and erases, momentarily, their constant fears and worries and concerns and inadequacies.

So, this Sunday, do more. Your father deserves more.

Happy Fathers’ Day!