CEO Chronicles # 37 : FIVE Golden Rules To Network Like a Pro October 6th, 2020
Networking : The Need For Golden Rules
I left my last meeting with my mentor with the following take-aways :
- Being effective is necessary, but not sufficient
- Without a network, I have no leverage.
- A network is a force multiplier. A strong network would allow me to contribute and achieve so much more.
- I have come as far as I can, alone. To go further, I need the support and goodwill of people.
Over the next few days, I prepared for my next meeting. These are a few things I learned :
Everything I thought I knew about networking was wrong.
Networking is more about farming than about hunting.
It is about planting seeds, not about capturing contacts.
It is about nurturing relationships, not scoring connections.
As I learnt, I asked myself – how could I know so little, and be wrong about so much?
The Five Golden Rules
“So, let’s start with the first rule of networking,” said my mentor, as she sipped her tea. “It is likely to be counter-intuitive to what you believe.”
Rule # 1 : Networking is about GIVING
“You can have everything you want if you will help other people get what they want.”
“Too often,” said my mentor, “people network so that they can get something. A job. A referral. A recommendation.”
“Mostly, they fail.”
“Networking is not about how much you can get. It is about how much you can give.”
“So, how does it work?” she asked, rhetorically.
“When you give, when you help, you make people feel good.”
“Do you remember Maya Angelou’s amazing statement?”
“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But they will never forget how you made them feel.”
“Giving is remembered,” she continued, “the giver builds a reputation of generosity and trustworthiness. You become known as a helpful person. Word about you spreads, and your reputation grows.”
“Finally, and most importantly, givers are seen as strong. People respect and gravitate to strong people.”
“Every time you start a new relationship, the foundation must be – how can I add value to this person’s life?”
“Network like a candle. You can light a thousand other candles, without diminishing your light.”
Rule # 2 : Networking is about being POSITIVE
“Continuing with the candle analogy,” said my mentor, “always spread light.”
“There are two ways you can do this – either be the candle, and if you cannot, be the mirror that reflects the candle.”
“Be known as a positive person. People will be attracted to your warmth. And hate to leave your side.”
“Too often,” she said, looking at me sombrely, “we share absolutely unnecessary information. Our criticisms of others. Or our personal hang-ups. Most painfully, our sob stories.”
“No one wants or needs these. They have enough of their own.”
“Instead, seek to listen to them and understand them. Be tolerant. Be patient and calm and serene. That is what most people need – a safe harbour to rest their ship in before venturing out into the stormy seas again.”
“Much like negative ions, people are attracted to positivity. They remember you and return to you.”
Rule # 3 : Networking is about being DIFFERENT
“Branding,” said my mentor, as she moved on to the third of the golden rules, “is about developing or refining your offering so that it is strongly differentiated from what is already available in the market-place.”
“If there is no difference between you and other providers, then people have no reason to choose you.”
“Look at how you describe yourself – what is different or special?”
“If there is no difference, you must find a way to create one. Sometimes, this is just a matter of redefining or placing different emphasis on what you already are and already do.”
“Your specialty must be something that people will find appealing. Every person has unique advantages – it is about identifying and bundling these and presenting them well.”
“People want to ally with and align with professionals who aim high, who see what can be, not merely what is; and who they believe will make a difference”
“Always remember,’ she ended,
“Being unique is much better than being perfect.”
Rule # 4 : Networking is about PLANNING & PREPARING
“As you are well aware,” said my mentor, “all projects need managing. Networking, too, needs to be managed with thought and effort.”
“Previously we spoke about farming. Just like farming needs planning and preparation – what should I plant, when should I, which seeds should I but, when should I start tilling the land – networking, too, needs planning and preparation.”
“It starts with knowing what you have and what you can give. It continues with what you need and what you want.”
“An activity which has no clear planned outcomes,” she said, “is likely to be pulled in all sorts of directions, finally leading nowhere.”
“Ensure that you have measurable targets and that you monitor progress.”
“Otherwise, networking can absorb much of your time, and deliver very little, leading to you becoming less effective rather than more.”
“Everyone has the desire to win; only Champions have the desire to prepare.”
Rule # 5 : Networking is about QUALITY (not QUANTITY)
“Recently I saw a post on LinkedIn,” said my mentor smiling, “by someone who congratulated himself for acquiring 10,000 connections.”
“Many people feel that they should keep adding people to their network. That is completely and utterly wrong. It is like sowing thousands of seeds on a small piece of land. This is a waste of time and effort, as finally, only a few seeds are going to take root.”
“It would be much better,” she said, “if you could focus on choosing carefully and wisely the seeds you want to plant, and invest in them and nurture them.”
“In my network, I have less than 125 real relationships, but these are true, tested and trustworthy relationships. They are mutual, they are beneficial, they are real.”
“Real friends are those who pick us up when we fall down. If they can’t pick us up, they lie down next to us and listen for a while.”
Your Network Is Your Net Worth
My mentor sat forward.
“So there they are, Shesh,” she said, seriously. “my 5 Golden Rules for networking.”
“I will reiterate what I said last time.
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.”
Implementing The 5 Golden Rules
Over the next three months, I put into practice the golden rules I had learnt.
I spent time getting to know my colleagues, understanding them, listening to them and giving them my time, my advice and my help as required. Yes, it took quite a bit of of my time, but even though there was no immediate outcome, I just felt so much better and happier.
I stopped whining and complaining about things. I looked for the positive, and surprise – I found some everywhere I looked. Even the company bully had his plus points!
Then, I focused on developing my analytic skills and strategic capabilities, which were my two main strengths. I read, did courses, sharpened my edge. Gradually, any time there was a meeting on strategy, all heads would turn my way. Man, that felt so good!
In parallel, I planned a campaign for networking outside the office. I joined 2 industry forums and 1 strategy forum. I attended the fortnightly meetings and met some amazingly knowledgeable and smart people. Quickly, I learnt about varied approaches in different industries. In the third month, I was asked to speak at one of the forums and did so. After the talk, many people took the effort to meet me and get to know me.
Finally, I stopped collecting visiting cards and started cultivating relationships. I used Outlook notes to write everything I knew about someone I met – their families, their special days, their food and drink preferences. Before I met them the next time, I did a quick review so that I could talk to them about their interests. Soon thereafter, I received feedback about what a thoughtful and caring person I was, which made me feel that every effort was worth it.
Aftermath
In three months, my life changed. I learnt, by practice, that networking is effective and engaging when :
- We give
- We are positive
- And we bring something different/unique to the table
- The more we prepare and plan
- We focus on quality, rather than quantity
In the fourth month, my boss called me in for a meeting. He had been hearing great things about me, he said, and wanted to discuss the next steps in my career…
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[Note : This is part 2 of a three part series on Networking]
Do send your inputs to me, either as a comment or as a PM.
Cheers | Shesh | Singapore | 06 October 2020.
Post Script :
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